My first pregnancy was “uncomplicated”. It took two years and fertility treatment to fall pregnant. Once we were pregnant, the 2019/2020 bushfires engulfed us in thick smoke for weeks on end and we were madly googling the effect of smoke on pregnancy… then 2020 hit. I won’t mention the words, but it was a blessing and a curse. As a secondary school teacher, I had no choice but to go to work every day with no access to PPE aside from a face mask (for myself… not the others around me). It was incredibly stressful. Once I was working from home, I really was able to rest, sleep and obviously finally protected from the illnesses around. However, I was very sedentary, and developed many aches and pains, especially hip pain, and lower back pain. I felt unstable moving which worsened my sedentary choices.

The pregnancy was uncomplicated, and I was incredibly lucky to get into the Midwifery Group Practice model of care at the local public hospital. Our midwife was an incredible support and so available to us. I had many scans (I didn’t know then about the inaccuracies of ultrasound scans) as my baby was ‘big’ (cue the panic that vials had been switched at the fertility clinic, as my husband and I are both shorties!). If you know about the inaccuracies of ultrasounds, am sure you know I am about to say, my baby was born in the 7th percentile, full term, smaller at birth than he measured at the 36 week scan four weeks beforehand, and I can assure you that he didn’t shrink…

I planned a physiological hospital birth and with my amazing MGP support it felt a very natural choice for me. My husband and I took an online hypnobirthing course which was a totally life changing perspective of birth. I binged listed to physiological birth stories from Australian Birth Stories and felt most comfortable in the mindset that birth is a natural physiological process that is best left untouched. I went into labour at about 8pm at 39 weeks and 5 days. My labour came on fast and hard! I called the midwife, and we chatted about staying at home. I sent my husband to bed, and I laboured in the spare room and in the shower on my own while he slept. At 1am I called my midwife and said something wasn’t right, couldn’t say what but I wasn’t panicked but I’d like to go into hospital to be checked. She impressed on me to get checked and then come straight back home to continue labouring. I agreed. The car trip was hard. I told my husband there was no way I could go home and then come back again (I didn’t know that I was in transition!). I got to hospital. They saw first time mum (typically first-time mums have longer labours) and that I had ‘only’ been in labour for 4 hours. After an examination I was ‘only’ 5 cm, but babies heart rate was not reassuring. After a lot of flapping about by our temporary midwife, my midwife was called in and when she arrived, I was now 8cm (40 mins later) and I was whisked to birth suite where (apparently, I have no memory of any of this as I was in LabourLand) the room was full of Midwives and Doctors. They still could not get a reassuring trace and they were very concerned. There was a really clear clinical picture that our baby was not coping. The doctor completed multiple tests, checks and collected different observations. After creating a really clear clinical picture and chatting with my husband and then myself (the way I wanted it to happen) we chose to have an immediate C section as the baby was in urgent need of delivery. I was 10cm (5-10cm in less than an hour) and pushing on the way to theatre, a “code blue” was called for our bub as at this time baby was incredibly stressed. A successful first and only attempt for a spinal was put in, baby was born and thankfully after some assistance, recovered fully from whatever was stressing him within a few minutes and was a healthy little thing!

I slept for the next 4-5 hours completely exhausted and full of the c section drugs. My husband had to leave the hospital as soon as I woke up (only allowed for the birth and then 1 hour per day due to hospital policy at the time). I was left in a hospital room, without anyone, couldn’t move, catheterised, and with a baby on my boob. It was horrible. I never felt so alone and knew I couldn’t look after my baby but had no other option. Midwives were under the pump and would sometimes take 40 minutes to respond to my call bell (they were SO SO SO overstretch during this time and the idea of ratios didn’t seem to apply with half the ward off with covid and bit of a baby boom that week in our area). I knew I didn’t want to sleep with the baby in my bed so trying to keep myself awake for the 40 minutes so that a midwife could take the baby off me and place in his bassinet was just torture.

I asked to be discharged after 24 hours, but I was counselled strongly against it. I was really concerned about the welfare of my baby as I was really struggling with the after affects of the anaesthetics and felt I couldn’t care for him adequately on my own. I asked what the earliest time possible I could safely discharge. It was suggested that after 48 hours I would have received all the IV antibiotics and a final check of the effect of my postpartum hemorrhage that I had during the C Section. I agreed and at 42 hours my husband used his 1 hour visit to pack the car and I was waddling/running to the safety of freedom and support at home. Once home my husband was able to take care of the baby while I lay in bed and all I did was sleep and breast feed for 2 weeks. The recovery from a C Section is intense and I chose to intensively rest. We didn’t have visitors (immediate family came over, over the next 2 weeks) and it was great. My husband was home for 4 weeks, and then I had a rotation of my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law and my mum and dad while my husband was at work. This support lasted about 4-5 weeks and I was able to truly rest. It was still lockdown time, and it was stressful having family coming in and out the house for support, but it was a sacrifice we chose to make. I felt isolated, medical help was hard to get with all GP appointments telehealth, maternal health appointments telehealth, lactation consultant appointments… telehealth!

Physically breastfeeding came along okay and we were a good team. I believe I may have developed D-MER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex) and HATED every minute of it. My baby unsurprisingly developed lactose overload as I would convince myself that he was finished feeding so that I didn’t have to continue the feed, and as such he had a few days of just getting the foremilk. Also, as a result he fed ‘all day long’ (because he was hungry!) and I became very frustrated. It took until about 3 months to discover that he had a significant cow’s milk protein allergy. I continued to breast feed until 5 months before choosing to move him onto formula under the guidance of a paediatric allergist. I felt free! I coped a lot better not breastfeeding at that time in my life and enjoyed the experience a lot more. I went back to work full time not long afterwards and my husband became the primary parent for 3 months which was an INCREIBLE opportunity, and it is the best thing we ever did. My husband loved having this time to get to know what primary parents do, and I loved the break from the mental load. I enjoyed seeing the pictures of their outdoor café dates, playcentre activities and swimming classes while I was at work and to be honest I didn’t feel like I was missing out. My husband went back to work at the end of the three months, and I went to part-time work and between family day care and grandparents our son had a beautifully balanced week of lots of love and variety.